Nostalgia and Memory (feat. Housekeeping)

In the chapter "Tonight We Improvise" Benji comments on the unreliability of memory. In particular, Benji walks through his old house with Melanie while reminiscing about his time there. Benji says, WLNG made Benji reminisce about a particular memory where everyone in his family was happy and together. Elena was home, Benji and Reggie were still a unit, his mother seemed young, his father was barbecuing, and barbecue was still the best thing in the world. Everything was perfect except the fact that the memory might have been fabricated and never have existed in the first place. Something about this chapter reminded me of Housekeeping (possibly it was Benji's musings about the unreliability of memory or it might have been Benji's experience revisiting a house that's no longer his).

I was amazed at how Benji seemed to remember little details from his home and the stories behind them from the creaks the house made to the horse shoe crab nailed on the wall. I was especially amazed since I've never moved but I don't think I could describe the house I lived in all my life the same way Benji did. It's not that I don't have any childhood memories associated with my home like Benji, it's because those memories aren't on the forefront of my mind. I think part of the reason I don't view my own home with the same mindset as Benji is because I still live there. For me, my home is an object that exists firmly in the present and not the past. Benji also didn't quite described the beach house he currently lives in quite the same detail as his childhood home even though I'm pretty sure he also has memories associated with that house.

Benji's reminisces on his childhood home reminded me of Ruth's thoughts on memory and loss. I remember Ruth commenting on how her memory of her mom was shaped by the fact that her mom left her. Ruth muses on how, "Memory is the sense of loss, and loss pulls us after it, " (194). Memory and loss are entangled and consequently, once you've lost something your memories of that thing become more potent. Ruth mentions how because her mother left her, Ruth's memory of her mother became transfigured. Ruth vividly remembers her mother buying Lucille and her ice cream and how quiet and calm her mother seemed. However Ruth says, "if she had simply brought us home again to the high frame apartment building with the scaffolding of stairs, I would not remember her that way," (197). If Ruth's mother had stayed she would have seemed permanent and thus have seemed like a different person in Ruth's memory. Similarly, because Benji's stay in his old house was temporary, his experiences at that house are transfigured. For Benji now, that house symbolizes his childhood when his family was still together. It's because Benji's time at Sag Harbor is temporary, that Ben remembers Sag Harbor so well and can describe the effects of that time on him.

I feel like it would be wrong to write about Housekeeping, without addressing the matter of houses, especially since this chapter talks about a house that Benji did not keep. Houses are also symbols of permanence. However moving to a new home disrupts that illusion of permanence. Therefore, when Benji sees his own home, he's reminded of time's passage. This time Elena, Reggie, and his parents aren't in the house with him. Instead, someone new lives there and Benji is sneaking in with Melanie. Even if the house is physically the same, Benji has changed. This effect heightens Benji's feelings of nostalgia.

Jason, Personas, and the Hall of Mirrors Scene

During the chapter “Goose Fair” Jason wanders into the hall mirrors and sees multiple reflections of himself distorted by the mirrors. Throughout the novel, Jason struggles with his alternate personas Unborn Twin and Maggot. Much of Black Swan Green, Jason is worried about his identity and how he is perceived by others. He’s constantly self editing himself to fit in with the cool kids at school whether that be hiding his poetry or hiding his stammer. As such, the scene in the hall of mirror is important to Jason’s development because it addresses the issue of Jason’s personas.

I think it’s important that Jason is alone in the hall mirrors. Since Jason’s alone he isn’t self-editing himself to fit in. The Jason alone in the hall of mirrors is the true Jason. One of the insights Jason gets from his reflections is that a person can’t truly change into someone else. One of Jason’s reflections notes that “You can only change superficial features. An Inside-You must stay unaltered to change the Outside-You.” (249). As such, it’s impossible to change yourself. You can only change how others perceive you. However even if you make a superficial change and build an Outside-You, you’re true self will still exist and that true self will be in conflict with the persona you’ve built. Just like a mirror, you can curve and bend the glass to get the reflection you want but that won’t change how you look in reality. Jason can act like one of the members of Spooks, can act like he doesn’t have a stammer, that he isn’t an artist, but, that in the end, is just an act that doesn’t fix any of Jason’s problems. And now, Jason needs to be worried about maintaining his personas and lives in fear that he’ll be caught and someone will see his true self which seems like a pretty unhealthy way to live.

The next reflection Jason sees is Maggot. Maggot says that the kids at school pick on Jason because he doesn’t blend in and that popularity “is about following weather forecasts” (249). However, if popularity is like following weather forecasts that implies that the weather and what’s popular changes. Blindly following what’s popular is pointless since what and who’s popular could change the next day.

The Fourth Reflection is upside down Jason who suggests that Jason make a “One-You” that matches his inner self instead of trying to win people’s approval for his outer-self. Upside down Jason says that Jason is weak because he’s constantly trying to win other people’s approval. We can see that Jason’s desire to be cool makes him a target to Wilcox and his gang. In comparison, it’s less satisfying for Wilcox to bully Dean who doesn’t care about getting approval. As such, Jason learns that he shouldn’t try to self edit himself. Rather, Jason should just show the world his true self and not worry about how others will perceive.

Ruth's Coming of Age

To the eyes of modern society, Ruth seems to have failed her coming of age since she has become a transient. The grandmother told Ruth and Lucille to keep the house and the title of the book is literally Housekeeping yet Ruth and Sylvie burnt down the house and left Fingerbone. Although Ruth’s coming of age may have failed according to society, it’s successful according to Ruth.

One important aspect of one’s coming of age is independence whether it be from society in general or one’s parents. Throughout the course of Housekeeping, we see Ruth distancing herself from her family. At the beginning of the story Ruth and Lucille are one unit. At the end of the story, Ruth has left with Sylvie to live a life of transience while Lucille has not fully accepted the transient nature of life. Lucille “smears her initials in the stem on her water glass” (219). These initials of Lucille’s will eventually fade away but Lucille still writes them anyway. Nothing in life is permanent and Lucille and Ruth deal with this fact in different ways. Ruth doesn’t put down roots while Lucille continues putting down roots despite their impermanence. I think that by making decisions independent from Lucille, Ruth becomes more mature. Ruth starts to make decisions for herself. In another world, I could see Ruth and Lucille growing up to be similar to Lily and Nona. However, Lily and Nona feel more like a unit than two individual people and as a result don’t feel like good coming of age role models.

Ruth also crossed the lake, which was a life-changing event for her. The lake symbolizes a lot of things for Ruth.  Many of Ruth’s family have died in the lake. Her grandfather’s train crashed into the lake and her mother sailed into it. Ruth seems to follow in her family’s footsteps. She too crosses the lake and is presumed dead by society. Also, by leaving the lake, Ruth leaves her family history behind. From a young age, Ruth was aware of the impermanence of family since her mother and grandmother died and Lily and Nona left them in Sylvie’s care. As such, Ruth leaves her family history behind because she’s aware of its transience. However, Ruth does still form a connection with Sylvie. Throughout her life, Ruth has been expecting her family members to disappear yet Ruth is still close to Sylvie. Although, Ruth lives completely in the present she still formed a connection with Sylvie even though Ruth must know Sylvie won’t be around forever. Ruth doesn’t let the transience of life stop her from making meaningful connections with at least one person. I don’t think Ruth uses transience as a coping mechanism to protect herself from future loss.

Also this is completely off topic, but I find it amusing to consider Ruth writing or narrating the story of Housekeeping. The story and book itself although not completely permanent will still exists for a long time after Ruth and Sylvie are gone. Also, Sylvie talks about how transients are an invisible class of people and how many of them could have died in the train crash that killed Ruth’s grandfather but no one would no. In a sense, Housekeeping shines a bit of light on transient people.

Joan as a Mirror to Esther

Joan may be a relatively minor character in The Bell Jar but I thought she was an interesting mirror to Esther. They both came from the same hometown, dated Buddy, and went to the same mental hospital. However, while Esther survived and is on course to leave the mental hospital, Joan committed suicide. I also think that Joan helped Esther realized that other women also had their own bell jars. Joan, like many of the characters in The Bell Jar, feels like a caricature as a result of Esther's portrayal. Joan is repeatedly associated with horses and Esther comments on her big teeth and eyes which are like grey pebbles. Something about this depiction of Joan makes her feel not completely human. As a result of this distorted portrayal, Joan doesn't feel like a person but a cartoon character. This warped image of Joan signifies how Esther finds it difficult to connect with other people.

At first, Joan seems pretty successful, she's president of her class, college hockey champion, and a psychics major. However, she later goes to the same mental hospital Esther does. When Ester finds out that Joan is at the mental hospital she thinks, Joan, "engaged a room at the asylum on pretense, simply as a joke" (195). And when Joan begins explaining how she ended up at the mental hospital, Esther thinks that Joan is either crazy or "she must be trying to see how crazy I was, believing all that" (195-196). Even though Joan might have gone through similar experiences as Esther, at this point in the novel, Esther doesn't realize so because of her distorted view of people. However, Esther does eventually realizes that Joan and her have some similarities. When Joan shows Esther the marks on her wrists, Esther thought "For the first time it occurred to me Joan and I might have something in common" (199). Here, Esther meets makes a connection with another person which is important to her because throughout the novel Esther has always felt isolated.

However, Esther soon becomes jealous of Joan because she had more privileges and moved to Belsize. Esther thought "Joan was the beaming double of my old best self, specially designed to follow and torment me" (205). To Esther, Joan seems like a mirror of herself. Later Esther thinks "Her thoughts were not my thoughts, nor her feelings my feelings, but we were close enough so that her thoughts and feelings seemed a wry, black image of my own" (219). I think Esther's feels unnerved by the similarities between herself and Joan. So later, when Joan committed suicide, Esther probably felt particularly unnerved that someone she considered a mirror image successfully killed themselves while Esther is still alive. Joan serves as a reminder for what could have happened to Esther. In addition, Joan's struggle were viewed with respect to that of Esther's. However, when Joan commits suicide she's no longer just Esther's mirror image since her and Esther's paths diverged. As a result, Esther can no longer view Joan's struggle as just a mirror to her own. And while Joan's death could still "follow and torment" Esther, I think Esther is also forced to view Joan as her own person and not just a caricature or a double of herself. 

I still feel like I haven't completely discussed all aspects of Joan, such as her sexuality and Joan's feelings for Esther, or why she committed suicide and how all of that affects Esther. And honestly, Joan's character still confuses me so I would love to here other thoughts and interpretations of Joan. 

Holden's Coming of Age

I really liked the ending of The Catcher in the Rye because I think it accurately shows the end result of a coming of age. If we examine Holden at the beginning and end of the novel, we can see some development, especially in the carousel scene with Phoebe. Phoebe gets on the carousel but Holden doesn't, signifying that Holden recognizes he's not a child anymore. However, Phoebe says that she's too big for the carousel. Holden isn't depicted to have any strong negative response at the thought of Phoebe aging but instead urges Phoebe to go on the carousel and he would watch. I think that Holden still isn't completely okay with the concept of aging but instead of being angry, he cherishes the moments he does have with Phoebe while acknowledging that Phoebe won't always be a young girl who rides carousels anymore.

Additionally, I think Holden wants to become a mentor figure to Phoebe which would fit with Holden's dream job to be the catcher in the rye. Phoebe begins to resemble Holden. She wants to recklessly run off with Holden to live in a new state. In addition, Phoebe starts to physically take after Holden when she drags her suitcase around and wears Holden's red hunting hat. However, when Holden sees Phoebe start to take the same path that Holden does, Holden attempts to stop Phoebe or stop Phoebe from falling off the same cliff Holden did. Holden changes his mind and decides to not leave town so Phoebe would not follow him. I think that Holden recognizes that Phoebe sees him as a role model and as a result changes his behavior. I think that Holden's views his actions in a different light whenever his actions are related with Phoebe. For instance, Holden recklessly spends his own savings on cabs, alcohol, tickets to see movies. Holden doesn't budget his money at all and just spends it recklessly. However, when Phoebe gives Holden her money, Holden actually budgets the money. For instance, after Holden runs away from Mr. Antolini's house, Holden doesn't want to book a hotel and spend all of Phoebe's money. Just like how Holden doesn't want to waste Phoebe's money, he doesn't want to hurt Phoebe's future, and as a result, begins to reforms his spending habits and himself in order for Phoebe to have a good role model.

I also liked how Holden never finishes coming of age. On the last page of the novel, a psychoanalyst asks Holden if he'll apply himself in school next year. Holden, however, tells the reader, that he doesn't know what he'll do until he does it. I like how, by the end of the novel, Holden hasn't fully developed as an adult but has just taken the first steps to reform his life. I also liked how Holden is still unsure about what he wants to do in his life, since I can relate to that. The novel doesn't end with Holden planning to go to college and choosing to pursue some traditional career like a lawyer or teacher. I like that Holden's future is still somewhat vague and unclear, since that how growing up can sometimes feel to a teen.

Examining Stephen's Epiphany

The epiphany Stephen has at the end of chapter 4 is important since it kickstarts Stephen's development as an artist and leads to the Stephen we see in chapter 5. Therefore, I thought it would be useful to carefully analyze the moment Stephen's see the woman at the beach, especially with the knowledge we have from finishing the book. Just before Stephen sees the woman he notes how alone and free Stephen feels. "He was alone and young and wilful and wildhearted" (185). I didn't notice it at first, but this is the ideal state Stephen believes the artist should be -- detached and free from soceity's constraints. 

And then Stephen see the woman. He notes that she was "alone and still, gazing out to the sea" (185). I think part of the reason the woman drew Stephen's attention was because she was alone. Throughout, Portrait, Stephen has always been a little detached from others whether that be through his desire to cultivate a brooding persona or because he's at a new school. I think that perhaps, Stephen views the woman as a model which he should strive to be. Stephen doesn't want to be like his childish friends who play around on the beach but rather wants to be like the lone woman wading in the water. Also, the fact that the woman is looking at the sea instead of into Dublin could symbolized Stephen's desire to get out from the constraints of Ireland. In addition, the woman is described as a "strange and beautiful seabird" and Joyce evokes other bird references, such as the "dovetailed" skirts. The bird imagery fits with the idea of escape and flight. According to Stephen, he wants to escape the cultural constraints of Dublin and his religion which fits with the bird imagery. In addition, birds when they're flying, are detached from the land but, as a result, gain a larger and more cohesive view of the world from their position. In that sense, the imagery of the bird meshes perfectly with Stephen's theory that by being detached the artist becomes better at representing people. 

Also, when Stephen's refers to Emma on page 235 he asks, "Her heart simple and wilful as a bird's heart?" which might connect the birdlike woman on the beach with Emma. Indeed, the encounter with the woman at the beach seems like something straight out of teenage Stephen's dreams. Stephen literally runs into a girl at the beach and he passively has an epiphany. Perhaps, that connection to Stephen's past makes this encounter even more personal and meaningful to Stephen. I'm a little unsure if there's any connection to Emma and what that connection would be (Other than that both women are treated by Stephen more as a concept or symbol than as a person. Also, just a thought, but perhaps the woman at the beach works as a "better" symbol because Stephen doesn't know her and is detached from her, whereas Stephen is directly effected by Emma's actions which doesn't allow him to be perfectly unbiased toward her). 

Stephen then begins to to describe his epiphany in more religious terms. He described the woman as "a wild angel" and Stephen describes how his soul reacts (186). The religious terms could be a reference to how although Stephen may be detached from his culture it still influences him through his language and world view. He's still Irish and Stephen's religious background doesn't just disappear. Also, when the woman is described as an angel, the entire encounter feels a lot more biblical. An angel appears to Stephen and as a result Stephen gets an epiphany and a calling to the vocation of being an artist. Perhaps, this is another way Stephen's religious background never leaves him. I'm still a little unsure about the meaning of biblical atmosphere of this scene however. I feel like it adds a bit of drama to the scene which you could regard as ironic depending on your view on how legitimate Stephen's epiphany is. After rereading the paragraph, I noted Joyce's word choice. The woman's eyes called Stephen "to live, to err, to fall, to triumph" (185). The woman is a "wild" angel. She would "throw open before him in an instant of ecstasy the gates of all the ways of error and glory" (185). I found it interesting how even though the woman is called an angel she doesn't represent how Stephen should be holy and never sin. In fact, the angel represents how Stephen would fall and succeed. I thought there also might have been something Milton like in the description of the woman as an angel. "error and glory" are two things I associate with Satan and the fall in "to live, to err, to fall, to triumph" evokes Milton. Perhaps, this is another way that Stephen steps beyond the restrictions of the church and religion in Ireland, and because of his detachment is able to portray religion in a different light. 

stephen but edgier

In chapter 2, we are introduced to a transformed Stephen who broods, is purposefully detaches, reads scandalous and heretical poetry, and is obsessed with the idea of Mercedes. Stephen believes that if he wanders the streets enough he'll run into a girl that will transform him. This transformation as a result of meeting a woman would be a kind of "coming of age" for Stephen. And indeed, chapter 2 does end with Stephen encountering a woman, but Joyce frames the encounter in an ironic way that punctures Stephen's character. Actually, many of Stephen's transformation in this chapter feel hollow.

First off, Stephen sleeps with a prostitute which degrades the encounter. Sure, the prostitute might be showing a little interest in Stephen but the encounter itself was transactional in nature. Stephen doesn't mention any of the transaction (which is probably because the narrative is a reflection of Stephen's consciousness) but I think it's safe to assume that he pays the prostitute. The mere fact that the encounter was a transaction cheapens Stephen's actions. Stephen doesn't transform because of his own merit or work but instead pays money in order to have a transformative encounter. As a result, Stephen's "transformation" as a result of his encounter with the prostitute feels a little artificial. The prostitute isn't truly interested in Stephen (aside from his money) and Stephen has no emotional attachment to the prostitute. So although, Stephen narrates the encounter as if it was particularly emotional for him, the scene feels hollow because the reader knows there's no real connection between the prostitute and Stephen.

My second point pertains to the majority of Stephen's actions in chapter two, not just his encounter with the prostitute. A lot of Stephen's changes and actions in this chapter seem to stem from the reading he has done. Stephen feels like he resembles the main character in The Count of Monte Cristo and views Lord Byron as a role model of sorts. Which is all well and good, but sometimes I feel like Stephen tries to hard to be like his romantic heroes. Sometimes, it feels as if Stephen isn't trying to be his own person but Lord Byron 2.0. The poem he writes is in a similar style to that of Lord Byron's. He refers to Emma as E C, just like Lord Byron does. Stephen has sketchy encounters with women just as Lord Bryon does. As a result, Stephen's transformation is undermined and becomes a little more artificial. Stephen isn't transforming into his own person and developing his own views but merely imitating someone else.

I don't want to attack tween Stephen too hard though since most people go through a stage similarly to Stephen (or at least I did). Stephen does grow. He learns to question authority figures like when he talked to the Rector about the prefect's behavior. I think we all go through a stage like Stephen does where we imitate someone we admire. I think imitation is also an important phase too. For instance, the first poem we see Stephen write feels heavily based off an Lord Byron's poetry (Stephen calls Emma EC because that's what Lord Byron does) but this is one of the first poems Stephen writes and its still an important part of his development as an artist. It still gets the ball rolling.

As a result, although Stephen thinks of himself as an old soul who is more mature than the other children his age and his parent's, readers don't necessarily share this sentiment.